just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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