shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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