her vagine was all disorganized.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
