idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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