Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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