so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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