I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
