I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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