remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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