it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
