I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
