Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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