u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
