no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
