How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
