he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
