I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
