She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Randomize
