Sponge bath it is.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
she looked like the before picture.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Randomize
