But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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