no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize