just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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