Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
