It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
