Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Randomize
