That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
