Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
