Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
