You smell like stripper and shame
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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