I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
