I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
