official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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