Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
