If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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