Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
do nipples grow back?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
