Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
