Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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