i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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