I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Randomize
