I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
