It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I'm passing your future prison.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize