how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
