Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
