Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
