im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
