a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Holy sore nipples Batman
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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