sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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