Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
