WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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