woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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