i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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