Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
