Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
These tits shall not be calmed
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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