Just fell off a train. Bad.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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