I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
