the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
