i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
