The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
