You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
