you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
