chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize