Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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