I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
