He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Just pee around me
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
