I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
