your thong is hanging out like whoa
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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