yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
