I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
