Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
